Do This

Enforce the negative

I picked up on this concept I’m going to write about, when I took my CrossFit Level 2 course. During the course one of the instructors asks the group, “don’t think of a banana.” Of course the first thing that pops in my head is a bright yellow fruit. At that moment, I got it. Don’t enforce the negative. Tell people what you want.

Enforcing the negative means you are asking/telling/commanding people to not do the act you don’t want them to do. Here are some examples:

Mom says, “Tommy, stop hitting your brother!”

Teacher says, “Tommy, stop running!”

Dad says, “Tommy don’t fall!”

Do you see the issue with this disciplining technique? Tommy is only going to register what was said last, after the word stop. Unless Tommy knows what the alternative is to stopping the current action, he will either continue the action or change it to some other version of an unwanted action. 

Enforce the Positive

The deadlift is a tough movement to teach. Because you are asking people to bend over and pick up a heavy and awkward object. In the deadlift, it’s important to keep the back as flat as possible. A flat back puts the arms in a good position and helps with leverage. Before my banana ah-ha moment, I would tell people to, “stop rounding your back.” 

Or, “don’t hunch your back.” What did I start saying after the banana? 

“Keep your back flat.” 

“Make your spine long.” 

“Back straight.” Do you see the difference? The latter cues helped to move the student toward what I wanted. The former cues enforced what I didn’t want. 

Maybe by now you can see why enforcing the positive is a better approach. You are telling the person what you want rather than what you don’t want. And at the same time, giving instructions of what to do. 

This approach is not easy because you have to know what you want. You have to be Johnny on the spot with instructions and cues of what the person needs to be doing differently. 

Enforcing the positive with Tommy 

Let’s go back to Tommy. What enforcing the positive instructions could we give Tommy?

Negative: “Tommy, stop hitting your brother!”

Positive: “Tommy, stand by me!”

See how much better this is. It gives Tommy a direct action to take that stops the unwanted behavior. 

Negative: “Tommy stop running!”

Positive: “Tommy walk!”

Negative: “Tommy don’t fall!”

Positive: “Looking good Tommy. Go slow. Show me you can get to the top.” 

More benefits

There are other benefits to all of this enforcing the positive stuff. When we are told we can’t do something, how is this generally perceived? Usually with resistance. We don’t like our freedoms being stripped from us. When choices are forced away we become disagreeable and stressed. Compliance goes down when you tell someone don’t do this or don’t do that. One more reason to use these positive framing references. 

All the time?

Is this something we should do all the time? Are there any circumstances when enforcing the negative is the correct course of action? Of course yes. Nothing is perfect thus enforcing the negative could be deployed to great effect. Here is an example:

Someone you know, struggles with their weight. They have tried many weight loss techniques with varying results. The two of you meet for lunch and the subject of weight comes up. The friend asks, “do you think I need to lose weight?”

You respond in one of two ways. Which one is better? 

Negative: “You don’t need to lose weight.”

Positive: “You need to lose weight.” 

Of these two examples, which one is more likely to elicit a positive response and give your friend the motivation to take off the unwanted pounds? Both sentences have “lose weight” in it, but one is positive (do this) and one is negative (don’t do this). This is an interesting example and it illustrates the power of choice. Saying, “you need to lose weight,” is reducing the friends choices and decreasing the possibility of compliance. On the other hand, by saying you don’t need to lose weight, you are respecting the friends’ right to choose. Thus increasing the possibility of compliance. Respecting your friends’ ability to choose will create a lighter atmosphere and encourage engagement and cooperation. 

Wrapping it up

These are my observations. I can’t substantiate this idea. I could be wrong and for you the opposite has been your experience. You could have been telling people not to do stuff (“don’t drink” as opposed to “stay sober”) your whole life and it’s been getting you great results. Because everyone is different. Every circumstance is different and I believe there is no one way to do anything. But maybe this writing has opened your eyes to this possibility. The possibility that when we enforce the positive, we will get more compliance and cooperation from people. 

Be a guide. 

Show the way.