Revenge

Revenge is interesting to me. Because it is a natural response. An eye for an eye and all that jazz. It’s a human tendency that permeates all cultures and societies. What can revenge teach us so we can be better humans? 

What I hope to convey with this writing is the fact that revenge is not useful. It’s actually counter intuitive. You will learn by the end of this writing that revenge is a form of communication that acts like a magnet. It brings objects together. Allow me to explain.

Revenge and society   

Revenge is supported within society through laws and social norms. The bible itself gives detailed description of how to treat slaves if they misbehave.  

The death penalty is a form of revenge. A man who murdered an innocent victim gets sentenced to death. The media will say “the family will finally get closer.” But really, the family is getting revenge. 

Divorce is a way to carry out revenge. It’s a back and forth of, I don’t like you so I want to make your life difficult. And, you made my life difficult so I am going to make your life difficult. Eye for an eye. But it doesn’t need to be this way. What would divorce look like if both sides said, “take whatever, I don’t care.” 

In other words

We use other words to make the act of revenge appear to be moral and good. We use words like justice, as in, bringing the criminal to justice. We use remedy or set right or compensation for wrongdoing. 

Look at car accidents. Someone gets in a car accident and a person in their vehicle is killed. So they do everything in their power to “make things right.” They demand revenge. But they don’t call it that. They use words like redress or retribution. In these cases, it’s better to call it what it is. Revenge. 

Emotions 

Revenge is purely emotional. Which is why a good strategy is to not allow instant reactions to control the situation. When a new event happens to us, we don’t have the prerequisite knowledge to act in a calm and logical manner. We have no experience in that scenario so we let emotions run the show. We relinquish all higher thinking to allow the fight or flight mechanisms to react for us. So when we are faced with new situations it’s best to take a step back and take time to understand what the heck is going on.

Forgive to Forget 

Relieving and or removing the tension between two people/situation is the way to create separation. Keeping that tension pulls objects together. So harboring thoughts of revenge towards someone or maintaining a debt is actually bringing the two parties together. So the antidote to the misery revenge creates is forgiveness. 

A long time ago, when I was eight or nine, my house was broken into. In my backyard I had a door with glass panels that lead into my house. I clearly remember walking around the crime scene with the cops. To my recollection I helped the police solve the crime. I noticed footprints in the dirt area by the back door. British Knights. My neighbor wore British Knights. She was my friend. She was my age. It turns out one day she decided to break one of the panels to unlock the door. I can’t remember what was stolen, but I clearly remember talking to her on the phone after the incident. She apologized incessantly. But I forgave her. Many times. I didn’t know if that was the right thing to do. Should I be angry? Should I yell at her and try to do her harm? 

I think about this event with nostalgia. I am proud of that young me who decided revenge was not the right path to take. What I didn’t realize at the time is that forgiving her actually created a separation between us. By forgiving her I was saying, “we are done now.”